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It’s time to come clean.
Internet, I have something to tell you. I’ve been hiding it from you for almost nine months now (no, I’m not pregnant, calm your tits), but I feel like New Year’s Eve might be a good time to let you all know. Tumblr, I have a boyfriend. This may come as a horrible shock to you all, integrated as I am in the Tumblesbian community, but let me explain. At the beginning of 2011 I was in a relationship with one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met. But I had got together with her at a time in my life when I had made a rather warped decision about who I wanted to be. Relatively recently heartbroken, I had (somewhat melodramatically, in hindsight) decided to become some kind of stud; thereby making sure I could avoid getting hurt again. So I treated H very badly, trying to make things less serious than they were - taking her less seriously than she deserved to be taken. It is my greatest regret to date (and I say this with absolute certainty) that I ruined what could have been a brilliant friendship and worthwhile relationship just because I had been hurt previously. If I could change anything in my life I would give her the time and attention and love that she deserved. So, by the end of February this year, I had royally fucked that up. But by this time I had a best friend that was beginning to mean rather more to me than just that. I struggled massively with my feelings, however, because this friend was a guy. I was so sure of who I was - I could never picture being with a guy in the future, nor did I find men generally attractive. I was gay. I’d told my parents, my friends. I knew. But you can’t choose who you fall in love with. I had to come out again, which was bizarre. I told everyone that I still saw myself as gay, but that Jens was an exception to the rule. My 1%, or however you’d like to look at it. Some people have refused to accept this, and have decided that instead I “must be bi”. Which is fine, I suppose, but I know who I am. And now you do too! So welp, a serious post to end the year on, but one that was probably overdue. I’m now off to celebrate, much as I detest New Year. Have a lovely time, internet. Enjoy the last few hours of 2011, and let’s hope that by the time the world ends in 2012 I have somehow managed to become an extremely successful and famous poet and won’t need any of you losers anyway. Ciao! PS; My New Year’s Resolutions are: Get my fucking tattoo already/travel/write/buy a pony for Claire. 21 notes:
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